Hello hello. How’s things? 

This is where I’m meant to explain to you who I am, where I’m from, and the niche in which my writing fits, so how about: Julie, North East England, and … well, that last part’s tricky for me to answer in a single breath without getting tongue-tied so … how long have you got? 

When meeting people for the first time, say, at a networking event (did you just shudder too?) and they ask “So what do you blog about?” I feel they’re expecting me to reply with something happily precise like: recipes, restaurant reviews or beauty products. 

But, if I’m to give an honest reply, what I actually have to say is something more like: “Oh, all sorts, for example, I’ve written about the role a plastic zebra played in improving my mental health, plus the life lessons I learned from a defrosted trout. Oh and … how being in the vicinity of Benedict Cumberbatch wreaked havoc with my menstrual cycle.

Except, I don’t actually say any of that because I’m both British, and an introvert, so instead I mumble something like “Oh, you know, general life stuff” and then I suddenly find something very interesting to look at out of the nearest window that I simply must go and inspect more closely; on my own. 

The one time I tried being less Britishly introverted about it was when someone asked about my ‘unique selling point’ and I found myself boldly stating “Well, I suppose I’m kind of … funny”.

And, hey, I’m not saying the look she gave me expressed full blown disbelief … but there was certainly a flicker of polite surprise there. (In my defence, I had only known her for about 10 minutes, I hadn’t had time to win her over with my comedic charms …). 

So, if you’re still wondering: I write about well, y’know, ‘general life stuff’ while trying to be funny. I tend to focus on highlighting the gems that are nestling in the mud of everyday life, using words like I would my sleeve: to I wipe away the dirt and polish-up the treasures hiding in the mundane. (I think this may have been influenced by eating mud as a toddler; although rather than gems all that ever gave me was mouth ulcers. But you can’t win ‘em all.)

I’ve also published a book of ‘Snipped Tales’: my tiny, poignant, irreverent and mischievous collaged stories which rearrange words from old books pages into fresh new narratives. 

For all my updates, observations, gem-seekings, conversation-over-hearings, and miscellaneous attempts to make you laugh, visit me via social media and my blog where no one can see us blushing, stumbling over our words, or making fools of ourselves (just me?).

full disclosure (things you should probably know about me before we move on):

  • I once poured single-cream down the leg of a Catholic priest. (By accident, not as part of an anarchic political act).
  • When my favourite novelist emailed me out of the blue a few years ago, I was so suspicious (thinking it was an elaborate literature-related scam, because, seriously, when do things like that ever happen outside a Hollywood film script?) I made him prove he truly was who he said he was before I would reply. He graciously sent me a family photo as evidence and maybe one day I’ll stop cringing about making him do that. Maybe. 
  • A school photographer once told me he had a cat at home bigger than I was. That was around 35 years ago, and here I am, still holding a grudge …

for best results:

place me in a warm, quiet, room with plenty of notebooks, a book to read or a film to watch (preferably the kind of film my partner describes as “One of those quiet ones where nothing happens.” which is just how I like it.)